LIES

12/08/2005

Dear Kimmy,

I woke up this morning thinking what a beautiful day it is but I also asked why. I got out of bed put on my tattered white shirt and went straight to the square glass table to where the coffee is. I poured a cup and smelled its aroma…again the thought of a great day came to me…Is it the dose of caffeine? I looked down on my cupful and stirred.

As I took my last sip I went out the screen door, squeaky and old due to its years, inhaled the morning’s breath not minding the rusty red gate in my view. Hmmm…what a wonderful day…again I thought. I don’t usually think about school most of the time. I have always believed that life is more than theories and return demonstrations. This couldn’t be what was making this day pretty. But somehow I felt a bit funny. Dismissing this as a not-so-silent cry of my stomach for food I went inside my humble abode, pass the old sofa and back again to the square glass table. It was set already. A pulled out a chair and propped myself down. Corned beef and eggs as the chef’s delight this morning. I reached for the spoon. Again I thought, is this what makes this day wondrous? I glanced to the now-empty ceramic plate in front of me. It could be.

A familiar sound greeted me as I went out the bathroom with my Mickey Mouse towel around my waist. A good bath is always good to freshen up ones morning. I reached for my cell phone and pressed “off”. You told me to put my phone on alarm mode. 6:35AM it reads. Twenty-five minutes until my first class.

As I did the last button of my well-pressed white nurse’s uniform ready to leave my dear habitat, I paused and smiled. What really makes this day wonderful? I asked myself again. What makes every day wonderful?

The truth is I already know the answer.

The answer to my every question is YOU. You make me want to wake up even if I still long to stay in the comforts of my bed under the warmth of my blanket relieving the stress of my days work.

It is your scent that I want to savor with every morning mist. It is you that I wish I could be with even if we only have corned beef and eggs. And even with godforsaken instructors, it is your God-given beauty that makes me wear my uniform and endure all backbreaking exams and assignments.

It is you that is more than my life.

How come, you may think I still asked such questions? I was just proving that nothing else makes life more meaningful and worth living but you.

Jerome

ahaha... Whew... What a story written by someone whom i used to be with and YES, i was in love (again) so damn in love (that time)

and see how deceiving people could be.. they who promised you everything, him whom you talked all your plans with, how you'll live your life together and shit. Yes, i was angry and very disappointed. How come someone could write something if it isn't true? I felt it was but what went wrong? i know something did but i was deceived, that was the bottomline. have i forgiven the guy? i think i did or haven't at times and we still do disturb each other with occasional msgs, stabbing sometimes and i dunno, i don't wanna presume. maybe wondering Why it just ended.

Oh wel, one of the very reasons ive decided not to trust, if not, never to trust again. I'll always have doubts in my mind and ive tried to turn my heart to stone. SNOWQUEEN i call me sometimes and i do have this unique ability to be really stirn yet i cry them all out sometimes at night.

yes, i've changed after my relationship with him. I'm not as showy as i was before, doesn't pour out the same emotions and actions i did before but i dunno. blame my past for turning me like this, blame me for risking and trusting someone...

Oh well, life does goes on and to where it will lead me, with a man or not, at least i'll try to be happy, coz i know i so deserve to be. I made and inspired someone to write such a wonderful story once, i just might be able to do that again. But how, now that im stone?

oh well, im a piece of crap anyway...

tootles