I got a dose of the lovin again through books, articles and movies just yesterday... And what i found out, made me Ahmmm feel whole again...
I was just with someone, and in a tragic way... We weren't like a couple though there were times we acted like one. I got hurt, and someone got hurt... And to say my sorry, well, i'll say "Sorry", in a misinformed way, i am sorry for getting in someones way... But i was misinformed, i didn't know, i never even felt there was someone. Suspected? There were times i did but some gestures assured me no one was there...
Changed messages with the girl now, she is disappointed with me, that i do know and feel. i'd feel the same way too if i was her. But, i want to tell her this. Thank you for not being there for him for sometime. He made me, no, he gave me hope...
What that hope is, well, i think its gotta be LOVE... Yup, love.. because i vowed to close my door, not to date nymore and stuff... And that guy, his guy made me happy, for some time he did. And though she say there are some inconsistencies with how he knows the guy, that she's been with him for so long that she found him not capable of doing such, well be it then... So that wasn't his man, he was my man, well, for that time maybe. For that time he was. And that makes me happy, coz that might mean na i didn't come between someone. Whatever the truth is, irregardles of what the truth is, all i know is that those were some of the happiest days of my life...
If he wasn't him then he just might be someone who'll like love me sometime in the future. Maybe that was the man for me, maybe he just came and used his body to be with me. I mean he really gave me hope, that no matter how hard i try to ward love away from me, it'll still come... It gave me a taste of how happy i will be once i'd get to finally meet him? Well call me crazy but i, i don't care.. Because love is actually like this, it comes then it goes... It came, gave me a taste of it then went away to make someone else happy. and if you'll ask "LOVE? am i nuts?" Well, were you there? D'u see us? D'u hear what he said to me? Ok, it might not be LOVe but it was a budding love. It was going there i think, to the next step. But certain things just didn't allow us to be, so off to someone else? In time i think.. I'll give me some time to heal first...
And why my confidence to say it was love? Hmmm because i felt there was something. Or yah just call it concern or infatuation or attraction basta, SOMETHING was there.. Whatever it is, i don't really know and it dooesn't matter anymore. It has passed, what's done is done. Ok, the proof(?) why i said it was SOMETHING? Hmmm il just go generalize with the other guys too so as not to cause further disturbance to someone elses relationship or life or i'll just focus on him because he was the recent one? Ah, cut the crap, i'll just pinpoint some of the things i've observed.
Ahmm a squeeze on the hand to check if someone's ok, is SOMETHING. (well for me, it is) A squeeze then a question, "Are you alright, you're so silent?" is somethng for me. Then a kiss though evrybody else is around then the words "You might date somebody else" is like a jealous, ahmm assuring way that he's somehow affected if you go out with someone else. Then a confirmed statement (i just cant remember the exact words) but he did admit he was jealous. Then there was that time too, that he was going to a party for his godchild or something that we met even if we didn't have plans to see each other that day. We just drove around the city, trying to figure out where we'll go, he was gonna take me to the place where i was going the i didn't allow him then we drove around again. He told me that his mom told him to bring his ex with him to the party then when she texted for him to come get her. So he did, he drove me someplace but before i opened the door, he grabbed my arm, held me back, he gave me a kiss then in the softest voice said "Oh, where you off to?" like emphasizing, where am i going without him giving him a kiss. So we kissed, then i got off then he went on his way. He then sent me a msg, saying "Sorry that i've somewhere to go."
Those were jut some of the things i remembered him did to me. Then he always claimed he's not pretentious, he's not a player, but that we have to take it slow. I honored that, i just went with the flow but Alas, there was someone already there. Someone was already with him, and i am but someone he just knew. There might be some qualities he liked in me but why risk starting over again if you've already that someone? There are some factors too why they were able to do those to their gf's but that may not mean he loves her less. He just might miss her, or he just doesn't want to pass on someone like me.
This has happened twice. Coz the other three guys have like told me they've gf's. I mean, it hurts, it sucks cause you tend to let your defenses down, trust someone, think they're like i don't really know what their motives are but its just that they hurt people, and i hope they do know that. And to their gf's esp to someone i know who's like reading my posts, spying if like i'm still after his guy.. He's all yours, i've no more intentions esp that i know na you're there. Im not gonna get in your way and please don't like bother me too or like brag na u got him and i got nobody. I got nobody because i chose not to have anybody. I mean c'mon let me nurse my heart k? And like you've got the guy am like out of the picture, can you just please let my posts be. Call it fantasizing and stuff but if you were me, would you not? I mean would you like the idea that someone just used you? Won't that hurt you too that I got your man's eyes and like he wants me, he's attracted to me? Cause if you like choose that i fantasize then i'll also choose that i'm way much ahead of you physically and that you've no control of your bf, that you don't satisfy him and stuff.. Me fantasizing is much better than that right?
Look, i respect you and i also respect your man trying to like think na he's like have feelings too coz if you'll really look at it, he just might be after the PHYSICAL stuff. I'm trying my best for other people to like respect him too so just a lil respect for me too please...I know that there WAS something but IT REALLY REALLY DOESN'T MATTER now... He chose you, I also decided not to like bother him or anything so why won't you jut let that be.. Let things be, let's just forget the pain and let's all move on cause if you won't, then i won't too...
I hope this won't happen to me again coz if it well, and the girl will like go after me and such... You're in for the time of your life girl coz im gonna show yah what a big wuss you are and what an assh*le your bf is... Whew.. finally i've said it... I'm much much better now...
I was just with someone, and in a tragic way... We weren't like a couple though there were times we acted like one. I got hurt, and someone got hurt... And to say my sorry, well, i'll say "Sorry", in a misinformed way, i am sorry for getting in someones way... But i was misinformed, i didn't know, i never even felt there was someone. Suspected? There were times i did but some gestures assured me no one was there...
Changed messages with the girl now, she is disappointed with me, that i do know and feel. i'd feel the same way too if i was her. But, i want to tell her this. Thank you for not being there for him for sometime. He made me, no, he gave me hope...
What that hope is, well, i think its gotta be LOVE... Yup, love.. because i vowed to close my door, not to date nymore and stuff... And that guy, his guy made me happy, for some time he did. And though she say there are some inconsistencies with how he knows the guy, that she's been with him for so long that she found him not capable of doing such, well be it then... So that wasn't his man, he was my man, well, for that time maybe. For that time he was. And that makes me happy, coz that might mean na i didn't come between someone. Whatever the truth is, irregardles of what the truth is, all i know is that those were some of the happiest days of my life...
If he wasn't him then he just might be someone who'll like love me sometime in the future. Maybe that was the man for me, maybe he just came and used his body to be with me. I mean he really gave me hope, that no matter how hard i try to ward love away from me, it'll still come... It gave me a taste of how happy i will be once i'd get to finally meet him? Well call me crazy but i, i don't care.. Because love is actually like this, it comes then it goes... It came, gave me a taste of it then went away to make someone else happy. and if you'll ask "LOVE? am i nuts?" Well, were you there? D'u see us? D'u hear what he said to me? Ok, it might not be LOVe but it was a budding love. It was going there i think, to the next step. But certain things just didn't allow us to be, so off to someone else? In time i think.. I'll give me some time to heal first...
And why my confidence to say it was love? Hmmm because i felt there was something. Or yah just call it concern or infatuation or attraction basta, SOMETHING was there.. Whatever it is, i don't really know and it dooesn't matter anymore. It has passed, what's done is done. Ok, the proof(?) why i said it was SOMETHING? Hmmm il just go generalize with the other guys too so as not to cause further disturbance to someone elses relationship or life or i'll just focus on him because he was the recent one? Ah, cut the crap, i'll just pinpoint some of the things i've observed.
Ahmm a squeeze on the hand to check if someone's ok, is SOMETHING. (well for me, it is) A squeeze then a question, "Are you alright, you're so silent?" is somethng for me. Then a kiss though evrybody else is around then the words "You might date somebody else" is like a jealous, ahmm assuring way that he's somehow affected if you go out with someone else. Then a confirmed statement (i just cant remember the exact words) but he did admit he was jealous. Then there was that time too, that he was going to a party for his godchild or something that we met even if we didn't have plans to see each other that day. We just drove around the city, trying to figure out where we'll go, he was gonna take me to the place where i was going the i didn't allow him then we drove around again. He told me that his mom told him to bring his ex with him to the party then when she texted for him to come get her. So he did, he drove me someplace but before i opened the door, he grabbed my arm, held me back, he gave me a kiss then in the softest voice said "Oh, where you off to?" like emphasizing, where am i going without him giving him a kiss. So we kissed, then i got off then he went on his way. He then sent me a msg, saying "Sorry that i've somewhere to go."
Those were jut some of the things i remembered him did to me. Then he always claimed he's not pretentious, he's not a player, but that we have to take it slow. I honored that, i just went with the flow but Alas, there was someone already there. Someone was already with him, and i am but someone he just knew. There might be some qualities he liked in me but why risk starting over again if you've already that someone? There are some factors too why they were able to do those to their gf's but that may not mean he loves her less. He just might miss her, or he just doesn't want to pass on someone like me.
This has happened twice. Coz the other three guys have like told me they've gf's. I mean, it hurts, it sucks cause you tend to let your defenses down, trust someone, think they're like i don't really know what their motives are but its just that they hurt people, and i hope they do know that. And to their gf's esp to someone i know who's like reading my posts, spying if like i'm still after his guy.. He's all yours, i've no more intentions esp that i know na you're there. Im not gonna get in your way and please don't like bother me too or like brag na u got him and i got nobody. I got nobody because i chose not to have anybody. I mean c'mon let me nurse my heart k? And like you've got the guy am like out of the picture, can you just please let my posts be. Call it fantasizing and stuff but if you were me, would you not? I mean would you like the idea that someone just used you? Won't that hurt you too that I got your man's eyes and like he wants me, he's attracted to me? Cause if you like choose that i fantasize then i'll also choose that i'm way much ahead of you physically and that you've no control of your bf, that you don't satisfy him and stuff.. Me fantasizing is much better than that right?
Look, i respect you and i also respect your man trying to like think na he's like have feelings too coz if you'll really look at it, he just might be after the PHYSICAL stuff. I'm trying my best for other people to like respect him too so just a lil respect for me too please...I know that there WAS something but IT REALLY REALLY DOESN'T MATTER now... He chose you, I also decided not to like bother him or anything so why won't you jut let that be.. Let things be, let's just forget the pain and let's all move on cause if you won't, then i won't too...
I hope this won't happen to me again coz if it well, and the girl will like go after me and such... You're in for the time of your life girl coz im gonna show yah what a big wuss you are and what an assh*le your bf is... Whew.. finally i've said it... I'm much much better now...
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