just some ideas, and about MOI

When a GIRL is quiet;
Millions of things are running in her mind.

When a girl looks down,
it means she’s uncomfortable.

When a GIRL is not arguing,
she is thinking deeply.

When a GIRL looks at you with eyes full of questions,
she is wondering how long you will be around.

When a GIRL answers, "I'm fine" after a few seconds,
She is not at all fine.

When a GIRL stares at you,
she is wondering why you are lying.

When a GIRL lies on your chest,
she is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a GIRL calls you everyday,
she is seeking for your attention.

When a GIRL wants to see you everyday,
she wants to be pampered.

When a GIRL says, "I love you",
she means it.

When a GIRL says that she can't live without you,
she has made up her mind that you are her future.

When a GIRL says "I miss you",
No one in this world can miss you more than that.

When a GIRL is jealous about other people seeing you more than she does,
it’s because she loves you and misses you so much.

The words above were once posted by someone. I do know it's corny but I kinda cried when I read it. It's just that I am, I mean I possess or do/did them. And to think I did and yet still I felt all those pain, the hurt, as in "OUCH", I really was good BEFORE (and I’m trying to be who I was back then, that good girl before) yet, people I've been with did those stuff to me. I never did anything bad... Why are they so much after the LUST? Or say why'd they ever had those bad intentions, or why'd they do those to me though I was GOOD? Just because they can? I mean we do have free will but certain factors still could affect one's actions right? And all I ever did were good; I loved them and showed it to them, still why did they think of such? Why did they still do it, did it? Because of my body? Because I look good for them? Because I’m enticing? Is that it? I mean I'm not beautiful, I know I’m not, maybe a li’l share but still not THAT beautiful. And bodily? Dang, I’m so skinny... Because of the way I dress? I’m just good at mix & matching & I know what looks good on me. That it? Or was I just tested? Or maybe played by fate?

I never did anything bad. I’m always doing things with the purest of intentions. Not unless I retaliate or avenge the pain they did me (the stepping on "THE PPRIDE" & the tarnishing of the dignity). Was it because I was just with the wrong men? They weren't like that when we met, they changed... Or were they wolves in sheep's clothing? And now, people think I’m BAD. A possible bad influence, kinky (or more like a MANIAC) & easy? And just because of what I say, post? My fault? I put TWISTS in ‘em, or I’m just kidding’ at times or half truths, or the whole truth, and so they judge before they even know which is which...) I mean JUSTICE, FAIRNESS, FREEDOM.. Where art these words? Why is it that people judge even before they know something...?

They might've been unbecoming of someone, especially of a woman but I only say what is painful, what has happened, coz I'm lost, coz I need someone to tell me or give me more reasons why these happened to me? I never seduced anyone, anybody... I never wanted to be harassed, forced, and raped... It's time, it's fate, it's my past... Forgive me for kinda doing those but I’m left with no choice, I was lost & alone...

Sigh... We can never please everyone, but sometimes, the people you consider as "FRIENDS" are the ones who judge themselves, and that's what makes it PAINFUL! I mean it’s ok if someone NEW would say that, they only know a li’l bout you, but for someone who might’ve been acquainted with your (my) life or at least know a little about it JUDGE you... Should one just shrug and let the people you consider special think BAD of you? Won't you at least say something to clear things up? But still, you can never please everyone. So I guess, you'll have to let time heal the wounds...

For the people I’ve hurt or let down because of what happened to my life, because of what I did, because of what I’ve posted, I ASK FORGIVENESS.... Forgive me if I can’t live the life you think one should live. I hope that someday you'll consider that THOUGH we are the ones who decide what happens to our life, there still are certain “somethings” we cannot control. I still am proud of who I am though I’m not clean (at least I’m PURE), though I’ve been astray (at least I followed my heart), though my past corrupted my mind (at least its now OPEN, and I understand), and though I failed at love (At least I wasn't afraid to love, at least I felt it, at least I’ve had the times of my life)...

I wish for you not to go through where/what I've been. It takes unusual strength to take risks; it takes a great will to still continue to live... wish fate won’t play on you too... But I do wish that you have had the times of your life, like I did...