WOMEN Rules!

1. Most women will not have sex for the first time with a guy unless their legs are shaved. If your date shows up and you spot stubble, she’s trying to keep herself in line.
2. No matter how much she reassures you, if you can’t get a hard-on she assumes you’re not attracted to her.
3. Beware of your girlfriend's single party friend or gay bud. They want her to be single with them and will encourage any bad behavior as often as possible.
4. Jewelry. Now you always know what to get her for a last-minute gift.
5. The sight of you in your socks and underwear is the biggest turnoff in the world.
6. Never trust a girl who has no girlfriends. She doesn’t get along with other women because she’s either bat-shit crazy or just plain mean.
7. A random hookup is more likely to result in pregnancy, because a woman has more sex when she’s most fertile.
8. She still has all the love letters and cards from her past boyfriends.
9. A girl would prefer to get a 200Php gift from Rustan’s. than a 1000Php gift from LKK Mall. Why? Because her friends will ask where she got it.
10. If women give you their number on a Friday, Tuesday or Wednesday these are your best bets to score a date. Monday is too desperate, Thursday is too late.
11. Laying a towel down over the wet spot is like putting your jacket over a mud puddle for her, you noble bastard.
12. Women always want to believe what you’re saying is true.
13. What do women really want in bed? More blankets. They get colder than men.
14. The threesome is not about you; it’s about the two girls. If you’re lucky enough to score one with your girlfriend, enjoy sex with the other one because there’s a good chance it’ll end the relationship.
15. Never trust the woman who gives you the best blow job you’ve ever had.
16. The average woman kisses 49 men before getting married.
17. She hates your PS2 more than she admits to you. Blow her off for some gaming and she’ll soon stop wasting time on a dork like you.
18. Women who are obsessed with their pets also like to keep their men on a short leash.
19. Girls who buy their men lap dances and pretend to enjoy it are kidding themselves. They’re trying to keep him happy with some controlled freedom.
20. During emergencies, women are likely to remain calmer than men. Though it should be noted that inventing minor crises on a weekly basis gives them more practice.
21. Unless they’re lesbians, she won’t approve of your hanging out with other girls. Even if they’re ugly. And, really, even if they’re lesbians.
22. If you have something to hide, she’ll find it.
23. They can't live without tension. Every once in a while she's gonna pick a fight with you for no reason. Accept this as a running, inevitable theme and your relationship will make a lot more sense.
24. The most painless way to end an argument: Let her win.
25. When a woman tells you her problems, she does not want you to offer solutions.
26. Women often cite manhandling of breasts as the biggest foreplay faux pas.
27. Women will have a hard time getting an orgasm when their drunk
28. If they're going to do it, most wives cheat between the ages of 18 and 29.
29. Most women think they’re better drivers than they are. Don’t point this out while she’s at the wheel or she’ll freak and crash.
30. Women ingest about half the lipstick they apply, which means they eat approximately one to three sticks per year.
31. A woman might say she just wants sex, but sleep with her for a while and she’ll change her tune. many women think they can pull this off, but they always end up developing feelings for the guy.
32. Despite always complimenting another woman’s short haircut, she secretly celebrates having one less competitor, since men prefer long hair.
33. Don’t call her “cute.” In her mind it’s the same as “not vomit-inducing.” “Sexy,” OK. “Hot,” yes. “Fucking awesome,” only if she’s at least slightly buzzed.
34. Women know where they stand looks-wise but worry about being considered cool, about which they’re unsure.
35. Women want to talk dirty, but they’re afraid you won’t respect them in the morning. Reassure her that letting go in bed doesn’t make her less classy and she’ll probably go wild.
36. A psycho jealous girl will do anything to keep her man—including anal.
37. If she suddenly cuts her hair short, it might mean she no longer cares what you think of her. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about someone else’s opinion.
38. It never hurts to say you're sorry, even if you don't mean it.
39. Let her beat you at something once in a while—poker, chess, Ping-Pong—and she’ll be more likely to give you what you want, like some peace and quiet.
40. At one point or another, women gone through your things looking for any evidence from past relationships. I’m talking photographs, postcards, mementos, address books, diaries. If you don’t like it, get rid of this stuff before letting them in your room. It’s not about trust; it’s about curiosity, and it drives them crazy till it’s been satiated.
41. Like you, girls hate nothing more than a clingy partner who needs them every eight seconds.
42. Got a new girl coming over? Your (tidy) bathroom should include clean linen, a box of Puffs Plus, and several full rolls of TP
43. On a first date, women never order what they really want to eat.
44. At least one of her friends wants to sleep with you.
45. Every woman is self-conscious about her ass. Tell her you love her ass and you’ll see it more often.
46. If you want more sex, tell your girl an attractive woman hit on you that day. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.
47. All women think they’re smarter than their partners in some significant way.
48. The more piercings she has, the more places she’ll let you put it.
49. Once in a while, let her pick the movie and don't complain about it.
50. Chicks aren’t afraid to get kinky; you just have to have the nerve to ask.
51. Women appreciate a big penis, but having one doesn’t give you an excuse to suck at foreplay.
52. She likes one of your friends.
53. Ugly girls like to hang out with pretty girls because it makes them feel like they're more attractive. Pretty girls hang out with ugly girls for the same reason.
54. The minute she decides she’s even mildly interested in you, she starts making mental pictures of what your kids would look like and imagining her first name with your last.
55. Dated a stripper? Keep your mouth shut, stupid.
56. The one breakup line she’ll never be able to argue you out of: “I’m sorry, but I no longer have feelings for you.”
57. Buying a present for your girl? She’ll hate it (and you) if she finds out you took along another woman to help pick it out.
58. You'll probably never know how many guys she's slept with. The standard lie is 3. This really means about 10.