I miss my hugs and kisses

I miss my hugs and kisses
I should get 12 each day

I miss my hugs and kisses
because you didn't stay

I miss my hugs and kisses
Even though there's someone new

I miss my hugs and kisses
because they're no longer YOU.

--
made Sept. 10, 2010 while in the middle of watching Letters to Juliet. It made me feel emotional and I missed the hugs and kisses I used to have

Letting Go

I kinda admit LETTING GO is such a hard thing for me to do.  I like being comfortable in living with what I am used to like a habit, a solitude knowing, that everything is going to stay as they were though it's not always the case. All those that are alive and has rights, and brains are out of my control.  I know that everyone would sympathize with me and would do just the same if they can just stop everything from ceasing or leaving. A thought of something that would soon be out of our sight and company and control is just hard especially when one has envisioned a future with it, be he human, a pet or a state of life.  We always say that change is good but when it comes we are afraid to embrace it especially when we don't know what's in it for us or if we will be happy with it especially if it is not something that we want.

Parting ways and being left behind is always a sad thing. Rejection and loneliness would soon take its toll even to the strongest individual.

Something I just read that makes sense. It may or may not help one move on but the hope of being able to let go and be fine again is something each one of us would want. Hoping for it to help you as it has helped me.

Though simple, HOPE is something we could all use... I hope we all would be able to let go.

GIVE IT UP TO THE LORD! By T.. D. Jakes There are people who can walk away from you.. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk.Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. The bible said that, they came out from usthat it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19] People leave you because they are not joined to you.  And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell yousomething.. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye.. It's not that  I'm hateful, it's that I'mfaithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me.And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay. Let them go!! If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to...... LET IT GO!!! If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ....... LET IT GO!!! If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth...... LET IT GO!!! If someone has angered you. LET IT GO!!! If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge.....  LET IT GO!!! If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction... .. LET IT GO!!! If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents LET IT GO!!! If you!   u have a bad attitude....  LET IT GO!!! If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better...... LET IT GO!!! If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him......... LET IT GO!!! If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship. .... LET IT GO!!! If you keep trying to help someone who won't even tryto help themselves.. .... LET IT GO!!! If you're feeling depressed and stressed ............ LET IT GO!!! If there is a particular situation that you are soused to handling yourself and God is saying 'take your hands off of it,'then you need to...... LET IT GO!!! 'The Battle is the LORD's!'

my CURSE

a message somebody mailed me last November 8, 2008. I think we were talking about people I'vee been with and stuff or like my lovelife or something. He wrote something really nice and i really really like it a lot that's why im posting it. Too bad i just read it now to actually talk more with the guy coz i really can't remember what we'd talk about in detail... anyway, this was what he wrote:

About your shout out .. ya, I think the problem is that U will intimidate many guys. And since U do have a TIGHT bod, men can't help but see that first .. even I am NOT immune to your innate power of seduction ..
YIKES!

Beauty is curse just as much as it is a blessing. My advice to U is pretty much the same as I give to all my friends, but with a bit more caution because the FORCE is strong with U .. lol.

So its a given that men will flock to U for obvious reason and that is NOT a bad thing. I think its safe to say U'd like a passionate man that is a little crazy for U .. but this part will be fairly easy, just look for a guy that can be expressive with U and the chemistry should ignite great passion.

Now the tough part, how do U make the guy like YOU .. NOT just for the bod U have,
but for the person UR. This is where finding your soulmate and companion gets so difficult .. probably because its hard to find a guy that can truly be all things for U. So its almost a certainity that some compromises will have to be made, but U should never settle.

First of all, I think its fairly easy to spot the guys that can ONLY see your bod. Conversations will nearly always drift to how the guy feels about U .. and while this is sweet, its typically his homonal response to your seductive powers .. he needs U .. he wants U .. he misses U .. ALL SELFISH needs of his.

Look for the guys that show more interest in U and your feelings .. your family .. your goals, needs, dreams, etc. He should also be at ease with U to talk about anything in a raw unfiltered fashion .. just like U'd talk with a long time friend. Remember most of life is non-romantic time and so how U interact during this time should probably carry considerable weight.

Since everyone's needs and their definition of Love are different, U need to clearly discover what those absolute needs are, and which are desires that UR willing to compromise on. Knowing what U want will help U limit the field of guys quickly. Above all, be observant .. the player can usually be spotted if U just look for the signs.

Don't give up .. there really are good guys still out there .. its unfortunate that U attract the wrong ones .. good luck .. t/c.

Bri

Quite nice huh? o now i remember.. my shout-out was WANTED ONLY FOR F***ING :P neat!

never thought i'd miss somebody this much... but i do

1:30 am... just woke up, darkness surrounded me.then i noticed my pillow right in front of my face, my arms wrapped around it tightly. I threw it away, i just had a dream and in that dream i was hugging somebody tightly coz i miss him and in there he just came back and i was hugging him... happily.

as i type these words, tears are falling down my eyes. I never thought it could be possible. I know it is not impossible to miss somebody but missing somebody this much, subconsciously. I never thought I would miss somebody this much, that he'd be in my dream and in my dream I would see his face perfectly, clearly...

This rarely happens and I'm so afraid that I'm so into somebody so deeply he'd even be in my subconscious. I've dreamed of people with clear faces before but never with like the leading man, my partner. Friends, parents, pets, visions of them are clear but with the man in my dreams, it never was.

I can just see all of him there but never the face. The long hair, how tall he is, the size of his body but never, just never that clearly.

I hate myself for doing this. I just asked God for amnesia and thought if ever there's a machine or something I could take to erase a memory.

It is not that I want to forget him but having him there would be difficult because I know he would be leaving and his plans could never be altered irregardless of my presence.

I do want to forget, gradually. It would be less painful that way. I told him that, i asked him that when he tried to let go. I asked for it to die a natural death. I just can't bear sudden death circumstances except maybe for accidents.

And now I'm crying coz it's hard. Hard for me to forget him and hard for me to accept that maybe my subconscious already chose a man for me, a man i could probably never have for myself.

I tried to let go, i tried my hardest to let go and over the past weeks i did. I thought I did but with what happened a while ago is just too hard to bear. I don't wanna sulk again and think what i did wrong, what happened for things to go wrong and stuff. I have other things I should worry about but this one just sucks.

I never thought I'd miss somebody this much... but I do.

and I hate every minute of it.

til judgment day

I can’t believe it, a stranger just made me cry. It wasn't entirely his fault but it was what he said, a reason about something, about my worth, my worth to somebody who matters to me.

I admit my past isn’t that great. Aside from the achievements I made academically, I don’t think my past really equates to something. Especially the things I did for my emotions, they just aren’t the things I can be proud of.

But why do people judge and torture me for my past. The past I had isn’t entirely my fault, my own doing. Of course I did have the greater part of the role but when it comes to emotions, I also deal with other people and nobody can ever control somebody else’s actions.

It’s painful that I am being tormented and judged for that very thing that has stained me though it wasn’t my fault. It really hurts that I am compared to somebody he really looks up to and respects. I cannot be like her though I really want to. I can not be perfect. I can not be pure and clean but I want to tell him that it wasn’t entirely, it never was my fault. I was just too trusting, too gullible with everything. I always trust the person I love a 100% until he proves to me that I should not.

I was too trusting and I have suffered the consequences. Until now I can never face that person who mutilated me. I even remember running away one time I was about to bump into him face to face in a mall. I just can’t face him and be reminded again of what he did.

It just pains me that I am being judged and convicted of something that is out of my control. I am hurt because I was branded as something unfit and just disgraceful. A friend I talked to asked me why that somebody has to compare me with somebody else and not accept me for who I really am my past and all of me.

Until now I am waiting for the judgment that he will lay on me. I know I can never be the girl of his standards but still I am waiting for the harsh conviction that he will give me. I know what it is but still I am hoping that he will change his mind and accept me and what I have done.

I thought the time apart has made me accept the fact about what I have with him but it didn’t. The tears that fell when somebody I’d just talked to just proves that I am still hoping for a fair and objective judgment from him. Till that day comes I know that I will be crying and will be feeling the pain I feel right now. But I know I’d be a li’l bit happy until that day comes. And since it is the only thing that gives me happiness, I’ll hold on to it no matter the pain I feel.