ex's, proses

i love you...
those three little words are like songs in my heart.
Over and over, i feel them, say them to myself..send them out to you.
And they never lose their effect, either.
For what they say is how i feel all the time.
Day after day, those three words never fail to remind me that the universe gave me the most rare and wondrous gift when it provided me with you.
i waited for you..just for you...before i gave my heart away.
There were those who came into my life and left as strangers.
There were those who came and stayed as friends.
But never could i give my heart completely. Because i was waiting for you.. Just for you..
And you were worth the wait..

>>>another prose written for me yet..."Sigh..."
Why is it that people could really pretend like this to just get what they want(?)
Be with another person even if no clear break-up was made, no talks, no nothing...
I wanted to believe he did loved me but seeing his actions makes me confused.
Reading his mails to other women doin the same tactic that made me be interested to him.
IM A FOOL to fall for his trap. But was it really just a trap?
Is he really a wolf in sheep's clothing?
I really want to believe he is good but then if i do so, id be hurt, wounded, stepped on, i just might BLOW UP...
I really am sad that the past just came to this but seems ive to accept things as they should be...
I really must bury these words in my mind, "IF IT IS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, then, IT NEVER IS TRUE..."
I learned that the hard & painful way...

--entries from my mobile blog-- way back Nov. 2005

this is me... i mean WAS me

Yep..dat was wat i am. Was coz am way more dfrent now.

Im rly rly openminded now. D experiences iv had really changed my views & d way I face life now. Im now an openminded realist. D way pepol think of me dosnt matter anymor. Im just livng my life. Iv MADE mistakes & i LEARNED from it. Iv met & been with pepol & dey'v made me who i am today.

Iv had my share of MEN & THE FUN. I played THE GAME but found out it wasn't for me. It was just a waste of time. There's more to life than love, sex, & pain but i've yet to know what it is.

Many tyms hv i askd God about wat He rly wants from me, y He made me suffer & feel such pain. But dn, im glad i realized dat i've been happy too.. Life is a gift, i just have to find a way to use dat gift well.

Well socially, i cod b friendly, bad, annoying, crazy, playful, etc. dpends on how u approach me n how i find u. I rly love to go wd d flow n tease sum1 but doesnt rly mean im n2 8.i just myt b bored.

In rltionshps, im rly serious bout love.im rly loyal, caring, undrstandng..(name 8, i did 8!) BUT, dpends wat d prson s 2 me coz i dnt rly opn meslf up n stuff f 8 aint worth it! Iv had my share of pain,i rly did.

Im tactless coz i dont lie. I rly dont unless rly rly needed.
F drs a prson ud lyk 2 make a deal wd, dat'd b me coz i always keep my promises.
I cod b unprdctable sumtms coz dr r days wn id lyk 2 test my mkt & n doing dat, i lost a bestfriend. i lost som1 ho codv made me rly happy. i cod b n denial sumtyms & iv lost quite too many QuALITY people coz of it. I just hope itl nvr happn agn. So 2 u rdng ds, gudluck wd judgng me. Like i care!

oh yeah... September 2005 hahaha

YOU are CRAP!

when someone hurts you
and brings you so much pain
is it ok to do to them what they did,
just the same?
see i thought i was loved, coz i did love him too
but in a matter of seconds he's gone
didn't even bother to say "adieu..."
now why do people tell promises
they never meant to keep?
must you men always meant
to make us ladies weep?
i so regret the day i opened up
and gave you my heart
i should've known that just like them,
you'll just tear and break it apart!!!

THE SINGLE LIFE

Yes, i am single. Single and living it. Living and loving it...
Ok, not that much loving it. Just some days that i am actually loving it.

Cold as i may be, i still do long for that someone who'll fill me up, keep me together, keep me warm, make me complete and stuff.
But even though i do long for that someone, doesn't really mean that I am looking. I might be looking but im not that open, not that friendly, not that welcome and accomodating.
Indeed i've met great people in my life and though they are that great, that good, i'm still not giving anybody that chance, that opportunity to love and hurt me again.

I mean I've just really been with someone and indeed he did made me feel loved, and pretty, and important and stuff but still, im so afraid to actually be in love though i did felt something, be really sweet, be all cuddly, yet i held back for I know he wasn't there to really stay and be with me and so I really didn't but i did at least try have some memories with him. (THANK YOU FOR THAT)
Knowing what you actually really really want is scary coz you might end up alone and cold and blue but nah, id rather have myself to hurt myself than just be with another jerk who'll do such.
It's really really hard to find that certain someone nowadays and even if i may cross paths with one, past experiences prevents me to actually be blah with someone.

Argh! Who am I kidding.. I only like writing when im in love, when im happy and when im UP, not low, really low like this...

Bottom line is, im still holding myself back. Im still doubtful, still paranoid, still that afraid to really give someone the responsibility of doing all those stuff to me. Giving someone that opportunity to love/hurt me again is just so hard and so im sticking to being cold and skeptic and pessimistic.
Till such time i'll find real love, the love that lasts forever WITH ME =)
They say it pays to wait and so i am waiting and hoping but not that hopeful...

-Till then-

might be the very reason while till now, im still lovin and singing this song

-- BREAKDOWN --

You called yesterday to basically say
That you care for me but that you're just not in love
Immediately I pretended to be feelin similarly
And led you to believe I was O.k.
To just walk away from the one thing
That's unyielding and sacred to me

Well I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it
And I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you
But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind
Underneath the 'guise of a smile gradually I'm dying inside

Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly
'Cause I don't want to reveal the fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise 'til I go home at night
And turn down all the lights and then I break down and cry

So what do you do when somebody you're so devoted to
Suddenly just stops loving you and it seems they haven't got a clue
Of the pain that rejection is putting you through

Do you cling to your pride and sing "I will survive"
Do you lash out and say: "How dare you leave this way"
Do you hold on in vain as they just slip away

just nothin…

It seemed to be like the perfect thing for you and me
It’s so ironic you’re what I had pictured you to be
But there are facts in our lives
We can never change
Just tell me that you understand and feel the same
This perfect romance that I’ve created in my mind
I’d live a thousand lives
Each one with you right by my side
But yet we find ourselves in a less than perfect circumstance
And so it seems like we’ll never have the chance
Ain’t it funny how some feelings you just can’t deny
And you can’t move on even though you try
Ain’t it strange when you’re feeling things you shouldn’t feel
Oh, I wish this could be real
Ain’t it funny how a moment could just change your life
And you don’t want to face what’s wrong or right
Ain’t it strange how fate can play a part
In the story of your heart
Sometimes I think that a true love can never be
I just believe that somehow it wasn’t meant for me
Life can be cruel in a way that I can’t explain
And I don’t think that I could face it all again
I barely know you but somehow I know what you’re about
A deeper love I’ve found in you
And I no longer doubt
You’ve touched my heart and it altered every plan I’ve made
And now I feel that I don’t have to be afraid
I locked away my heart
But you just set it free
Emotions I felt
Held me back from what my life should be
I pushed you far away
And yet you stayed with me
I guess this means
That you and me were meant to be