THE SINGLE LIFE

Yes, i am single. Single and living it. Living and loving it...
Ok, not that much loving it. Just some days that i am actually loving it.

Cold as i may be, i still do long for that someone who'll fill me up, keep me together, keep me warm, make me complete and stuff.
But even though i do long for that someone, doesn't really mean that I am looking. I might be looking but im not that open, not that friendly, not that welcome and accomodating.
Indeed i've met great people in my life and though they are that great, that good, i'm still not giving anybody that chance, that opportunity to love and hurt me again.

I mean I've just really been with someone and indeed he did made me feel loved, and pretty, and important and stuff but still, im so afraid to actually be in love though i did felt something, be really sweet, be all cuddly, yet i held back for I know he wasn't there to really stay and be with me and so I really didn't but i did at least try have some memories with him. (THANK YOU FOR THAT)
Knowing what you actually really really want is scary coz you might end up alone and cold and blue but nah, id rather have myself to hurt myself than just be with another jerk who'll do such.
It's really really hard to find that certain someone nowadays and even if i may cross paths with one, past experiences prevents me to actually be blah with someone.

Argh! Who am I kidding.. I only like writing when im in love, when im happy and when im UP, not low, really low like this...

Bottom line is, im still holding myself back. Im still doubtful, still paranoid, still that afraid to really give someone the responsibility of doing all those stuff to me. Giving someone that opportunity to love/hurt me again is just so hard and so im sticking to being cold and skeptic and pessimistic.
Till such time i'll find real love, the love that lasts forever WITH ME =)
They say it pays to wait and so i am waiting and hoping but not that hopeful...

-Till then-

might be the very reason while till now, im still lovin and singing this song

-- BREAKDOWN --

You called yesterday to basically say
That you care for me but that you're just not in love
Immediately I pretended to be feelin similarly
And led you to believe I was O.k.
To just walk away from the one thing
That's unyielding and sacred to me

Well I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it
And I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you
But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind
Underneath the 'guise of a smile gradually I'm dying inside

Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly
'Cause I don't want to reveal the fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise 'til I go home at night
And turn down all the lights and then I break down and cry

So what do you do when somebody you're so devoted to
Suddenly just stops loving you and it seems they haven't got a clue
Of the pain that rejection is putting you through

Do you cling to your pride and sing "I will survive"
Do you lash out and say: "How dare you leave this way"
Do you hold on in vain as they just slip away