Funny how the tide has turned for me yesterday but i still am oblivious as to "IF I SHOULD GO ON WITH IT OR NOT" coz really, i have no such feeling to be in a relationship again. I mean I was just made a fool a week ago and already i'll be putting myself in that situation again? No way Jose!
It's just painful and insulting, the incident that happened to me the past 2 weeks. I mean I believed a friend and trusted him, believing that he'll deliver me out of the hell hole i've been in for the past 2... 3 years but I just found myself digging a lil more to the pit i'm in... Oh what the hell, I'll dig meself out. Nothing's gonna happen if i'll wait and rely on soomebody else...
But going back to what has happened, I don't and can't really say what got into me... Love rush? February rush? But what ever it is, it was so bad... Damn that guy who recommended that guy haha... I mean I was falling for a guy who was a friend of this other guy i dated a long long time ago and he said not to fall for the guy coz he ain't worth it and he promised to have me meet up with this other guy whom he knows a lot coz he felt sorry for me and he did hurt me a long time ago too, maybe atone for the stuff he did or something and I BELIEVED HIM. Darn it!
I mean picture me out, picture kimyAh becoming a throw rug for a guy she doesn't even really like or picture herself being with just because of the RECOMMENDATION. It's so funny but I did. I compromised everything. The wall I set up to keep people away was gone, even the infamous standard for men i'l go out with was gone. OMG! (damnit! I did that much???)
I mean I did and now that im done with it, i sat down and think bout the consolation (like please don't make me cry again) for the thing that happened. I mean I was even at a point where I was gonna kneel or something? Im such a loser...
But then, looking back, I can really say that I really am no martyr. That there are just some standards i can't possibly compromise or bend. I mean, it's become a principle coz i have nothing but just myself and if i let people step on me, it's so worthless. i mean I didn't came all the way to where I am now (wait a minute, where am I haha) to just let people do that to me. I aint gonna back down. Though it sucks a lot coz i really might be living alone for the rest of my life but instead of being sorry for my sorry ass and cry and wail and be pathetic and stuff, I decided that I already cried a lot and im not gonna shed a tear again for being alone again but instead I'm gonna take care of me from now on. Like if somebody can't stick with just only me and put up with me then i'm gonna give them what they want and do for myself that which i want.
It sucks but, I'M ALL I HAVE... But the good side of it is, Ive made people cry and beg on their knees before to be with me so I know that I'm the best there is with the loving and caring so why not do it for me. At least I know what they'll be missing ;)
A change of profile, coz i've changed...
Hmmm where to start? Guess i'll just answer a question someone asked me, "HOW"S LIFE BEEN TREATING ME THIS DAYS?"
LIFE? It has been KEWL! I'm used doing things alone and have lived up to the words someone i loved yet *#@$, told me before, "YOU DON'T NEED ANYONE TO BE HAPPY..."
Indeed, i think it is true. My life hasn't turned out the way I wanted it to be. (esp. right after i was done with school). It has been happy then painful. I've had the share of PAIN, was really really hurt. But I've learned a lot and I'm so glad that I got through it.
LET THE PAST BURY ITS DEAD, and so I did and look what it made me now. A stone cold and bitter person. Hahaha nah for love i am but for life, Im living it, savoring every moment of it.
Really, I'm kewl and i've forgiven the people who've hurt me. They still contributed to the person I am today and Im happy for that.
But best of all, because of them, I'VE HAD THE TIMES OF MY LIFE, and not evryone gets to experience that...For that, I thank you...
Since there still is some space left, well, I am a TRUE BLUE MALDITA, REALLY SARCASTIC, SENSITIVE, PERVERTED yet OPENMINDED, REALISTIC, a PESSIMIST, a CYNIC =)
I LOVE TAKING pictures of MYSELF, especially in those undies, A CERTIFIED FRUSTRATED MODEL. Im too skinny, & not that tall enough to qualify (5'3 and all). And WHATS WRONG WITH THAT? I mean IM NOT BEING LEWD, ur the one thinking dirty. You deal with it.
I mean im so sick of them criticizing me coz of my pictures. They're just pictures. What u see aint what u really get! I pity you, you're so soo shallow. But whatever! Its your life. Just don't let me catch you saying such LEWD stuff. Oh well, i'll just pray o'er your pathetic souls, you SHALLOW, PRETENTIOUS HYPOCRITES!
All i know is that I AM HUMAN, and I've made mistakes. But at least i get to live my life. I try to, though its harsh...
--
TRUST ME, I KNOW THESE THINGS9:04 AM 2/26/2007
specifically, it would have to be MICHAEL ERIC S. GARING pro ala na si gebz eh... so eto, ewan, nabubuhay nlang.
Anyway, i've been building a wall around me, to keep people out and to see who cares to break it but nah, im a loner and it's kinda ok. Im used to it. Better than to get hurt... Ive given a shot at love but nah, maybe SOMEDAY, maybe NEVER...
Im just getting thru life, as if Ive a choice anyway. Its just that Ive been through so much that im numb with feelings.Numb or either i just don't want to feel the pain(again) Pathetic but TRUE and i've lived thru it for almost a year now so why not continue?
Im just not sure if id be able to survive another one so i've decided not to be in one so if ever anybody's interested, i's better tht you stay away or like maybe just state your intentions so we can set limits =)
anyway... let's just see...
It's just painful and insulting, the incident that happened to me the past 2 weeks. I mean I believed a friend and trusted him, believing that he'll deliver me out of the hell hole i've been in for the past 2... 3 years but I just found myself digging a lil more to the pit i'm in... Oh what the hell, I'll dig meself out. Nothing's gonna happen if i'll wait and rely on soomebody else...
But going back to what has happened, I don't and can't really say what got into me... Love rush? February rush? But what ever it is, it was so bad... Damn that guy who recommended that guy haha... I mean I was falling for a guy who was a friend of this other guy i dated a long long time ago and he said not to fall for the guy coz he ain't worth it and he promised to have me meet up with this other guy whom he knows a lot coz he felt sorry for me and he did hurt me a long time ago too, maybe atone for the stuff he did or something and I BELIEVED HIM. Darn it!
I mean picture me out, picture kimyAh becoming a throw rug for a guy she doesn't even really like or picture herself being with just because of the RECOMMENDATION. It's so funny but I did. I compromised everything. The wall I set up to keep people away was gone, even the infamous standard for men i'l go out with was gone. OMG! (damnit! I did that much???)
I mean I did and now that im done with it, i sat down and think bout the consolation (like please don't make me cry again) for the thing that happened. I mean I was even at a point where I was gonna kneel or something? Im such a loser...
But then, looking back, I can really say that I really am no martyr. That there are just some standards i can't possibly compromise or bend. I mean, it's become a principle coz i have nothing but just myself and if i let people step on me, it's so worthless. i mean I didn't came all the way to where I am now (wait a minute, where am I haha) to just let people do that to me. I aint gonna back down. Though it sucks a lot coz i really might be living alone for the rest of my life but instead of being sorry for my sorry ass and cry and wail and be pathetic and stuff, I decided that I already cried a lot and im not gonna shed a tear again for being alone again but instead I'm gonna take care of me from now on. Like if somebody can't stick with just only me and put up with me then i'm gonna give them what they want and do for myself that which i want.
It sucks but, I'M ALL I HAVE... But the good side of it is, Ive made people cry and beg on their knees before to be with me so I know that I'm the best there is with the loving and caring so why not do it for me. At least I know what they'll be missing ;)
A change of profile, coz i've changed...
Hmmm where to start? Guess i'll just answer a question someone asked me, "HOW"S LIFE BEEN TREATING ME THIS DAYS?"
LIFE? It has been KEWL! I'm used doing things alone and have lived up to the words someone i loved yet *#@$, told me before, "YOU DON'T NEED ANYONE TO BE HAPPY..."
Indeed, i think it is true. My life hasn't turned out the way I wanted it to be. (esp. right after i was done with school). It has been happy then painful. I've had the share of PAIN, was really really hurt. But I've learned a lot and I'm so glad that I got through it.
LET THE PAST BURY ITS DEAD, and so I did and look what it made me now. A stone cold and bitter person. Hahaha nah for love i am but for life, Im living it, savoring every moment of it.
Really, I'm kewl and i've forgiven the people who've hurt me. They still contributed to the person I am today and Im happy for that.
But best of all, because of them, I'VE HAD THE TIMES OF MY LIFE, and not evryone gets to experience that...For that, I thank you...
Since there still is some space left, well, I am a TRUE BLUE MALDITA, REALLY SARCASTIC, SENSITIVE, PERVERTED yet OPENMINDED, REALISTIC, a PESSIMIST, a CYNIC =)
I LOVE TAKING pictures of MYSELF, especially in those undies, A CERTIFIED FRUSTRATED MODEL. Im too skinny, & not that tall enough to qualify (5'3 and all). And WHATS WRONG WITH THAT? I mean IM NOT BEING LEWD, ur the one thinking dirty. You deal with it.
I mean im so sick of them criticizing me coz of my pictures. They're just pictures. What u see aint what u really get! I pity you, you're so soo shallow. But whatever! Its your life. Just don't let me catch you saying such LEWD stuff. Oh well, i'll just pray o'er your pathetic souls, you SHALLOW, PRETENTIOUS HYPOCRITES!
All i know is that I AM HUMAN, and I've made mistakes. But at least i get to live my life. I try to, though its harsh...
--
TRUST ME, I KNOW THESE THINGS9:04 AM 2/26/2007
specifically, it would have to be MICHAEL ERIC S. GARING pro ala na si gebz eh... so eto, ewan, nabubuhay nlang.
Anyway, i've been building a wall around me, to keep people out and to see who cares to break it but nah, im a loner and it's kinda ok. Im used to it. Better than to get hurt... Ive given a shot at love but nah, maybe SOMEDAY, maybe NEVER...
Im just getting thru life, as if Ive a choice anyway. Its just that Ive been through so much that im numb with feelings.Numb or either i just don't want to feel the pain(again) Pathetic but TRUE and i've lived thru it for almost a year now so why not continue?
Im just not sure if id be able to survive another one so i've decided not to be in one so if ever anybody's interested, i's better tht you stay away or like maybe just state your intentions so we can set limits =)
anyway... let's just see...
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